Self-Reflection

The fickleness of poker, and my own attitude towards it, often means that breaks are not planned. They just happen. And more often than not they happen after a series of poor sessions. That is my current situation.

I got the jonnyfish staking bankroll up to about $280 a week or so ago before slumping completely. The first $80 or so can be accredited to just having a colder deck to play with. No massive bad beats (and it feels like months since I’ve gone through a stretch of really bad beats), just tricky spots and tough situations.

At the time I was starting to get a bit miffed (not titled, just frustrated that I could not seem to get any traction going – as anyone would feel) so I delved into the deuces cracked videos again and came out of them with a “to hell with it” attitude.

For one session I decided to mix things up and play fairly LAGGY. It turned out to be a disaster but not because of the overall strategy. After about 350 hands or so I was maybe half a buy-in down but was enjoying playing and learning a new type of strategy. I’d even suffered a monster cooler, flopping a flush and then rivering a straight flush, only for my opponent to get a better straight flush – certainly a first for me.

No, the two terrible hands were these:

GAME #1110874993: Texas Hold'em NL $0.10/$0.20 2008-08-09 22:29:35
Table Boswell
Seat 1: RTRFelix ($19.80 in chips)
Seat 6: biancaatje86 ($24.22 in chips) DEALER
Seat 8: rickimarnts ($20.84 in chips)
Seat 10: ivan193 ($20.00 in chips)
rickimarnts: Post SB $0.10
ivan193: Post BB $0.20
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to RTRFelix [HQ HA]
RTRFelix: Raise (NF) $0.80
biancaatje86: Fold
rickimarnts: Raise (NF) $20.84
ivan193: Fold
RTRFelix: Allin $19.00
*** FLOP *** [D7 S7 H4]
*** TURN *** [H9]
*** RIVER *** [S5]
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $39.84 Rake $1.00
rickimarnts: Shows [H5 S9]
rickimarnts: wins $39.84

I didn't see his first hand exactly but he'd lost $10 in it and I was pretty sure (and prepared) to take a risk here. There's not much I can say really as I made the right read and got punished. I would consider this one of those "career defining moments" that may forever but me off the idea of going with my gut instinct with no pair preflop. It's the right mathmatical decision but it leads to me losing $30 more in the space of 10 minutes.

The VERY next hand.

GAME #1110876261: Texas Hold'em NL $0.10/$0.20 2008-08-09 22:30:26
Table Boswell
Seat 1: RTRFelix ($20.00 in chips)
Seat 5: pet190 ($20.00 in chips)
Seat 6: biancaatje86 ($24.22 in chips)
Seat 8: rickimarnts ($39.84 in chips) DEALER
Seat 10: ivan193 ($19.80 in chips)
ivan193: Post SB $0.10
RTRFelix: Post BB $0.20
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to RTRFelix [S8 S9]
biancaatje86: Call $0.20
rickimarnts: Raise (NF) $0.40
ivan193: Call $0.30
RTRFelix: Call $0.20
biancaatje86: Call $0.20
*** FLOP *** [D9 H9 D4]
ivan193: Check
RTRFelix: Check
biancaatje86: Check
rickimarnts: Bet $1.60
ivan193: Fold
RTRFelix: Call $1.60
biancaatje86: Fold
*** TURN *** [H10]
RTRFelix: Bet $2.40
rickimarnts: Call $2.40
*** RIVER *** [S10]
RTRFelix: Check
rickimarnts: Bet $35.44
RTRFelix: Allin $15.60
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $59.64 Rake $1.00
rickimarnts: Shows [C10 C9]
rickimarnts: wins $59.64

Can I get away from this hand after the previous hand the fact his stats are 91/45 2AF? Yes, emotions take over and (after all the hands I've been through) I'm far from being able to make the classic Felix laydown. I can probably only split the pot here at best anyway but the poker gods colluded to set this one up considering the previous hand.
The feedback from these hands (that I posted in a huge thread on the forum) are a shade on the negative side saying that I should take each hand as it comes and not think so much about my opponents move in the second. I find that a bit curious since the first hand tells me this player is a fish and I just found myself in a very unfortunate situation with it being the very next hand, but whatever, swings and roundabout discussion I think.

Anyway, the loss of two buyins was enough to make me quit and take a break, which I’m still on.

I just don’t know what to think about the game to be honest. Have I actually developed as a player in the last two years or am I still just using the strength of my patience to clean up micro stakes players who really couldn’t care less? Despite the Raise the River forum being a fantastic poker community and a hotbed of discussion, I often find myself drifting along on the fringes being more interested in the poker stories, doing things for my podcast and working out how to make the website a better place to be. The actual playing of the game is somewhat of a periphery concern. If somebody asked me, would you like to be a professional poker player I would probably say, “no, but I wouldn’t mind working in the poker industry.”

As usual this is probably just the low end of a trough in my poker development and it’s crazy to have such an attitude about my play and my results when, in truth, they don’t matter one jot because I’m being staked and the only score that will matter is the one I have come the end of August. Again, such a statement makes me wonder why do I play poker? Reading, writing, and producing poker content? Yes, I can understand why I’m doing that because I’m a creative kind of person who likes to learn and wants to get involved in a professional level on media aspects of the industry.

Poker is still interesting. But playing it? Not so much now.