Mentally exhausted

Over the course of the last few months I’ve been trying to find ways to describe how hard poker has been for me (and remember, take this all into context, beyond the fleeting moments I play and the blogs I write, my poker results have no impact on me other than to lose or gain more faith in the game itself) and this hand came up recently that I think polarises exactly what’s been going on.

A UTG limps in and the small blind completes and I sit with AJs. I check to see a flop. No idea why to be honest, I think it’s just the way things are going. It might be because I expected the UTG to reraise which is what seems to be happening quite a lot recently (limp-reraising when I have hands I’d liked to see a flop with).

Anyway, the flop is 10, A, 6 with two hearts. Flop looks good to me so I’m going to be playing it for a medium sized pot I reckon. I bet pot and the UTG calls while the SB folds. Turn is a seven so I bet again and he just calls. I’m a little dubious now thinking he might have two hearts or some sort of draw which he needs to complete. River is an offsuit 9 but it’s not the greatest card in the world so I check and he bets pot which is about 25bb

I don’t know why but I somehow convinced myself he was bluffing or had a worse ace. Because he limped the only hands I could put him on that beat me were a suited A8 so I called. Turns out he was happy to limp under the gun and slow play a set of tens on a draw heavy board.

It’s up to you to discuss the hand in terms of how I played it. Personally I think I played it very poorly but probably lost the same amount as playing it properly and aggressively. It was a tough situation that came after the culmination of another ‘dead’ session. By ‘dead’ session I mean another session in which I was flop dead (got plenty of decent starting cards but never hit the flop) never won any confidence boosting pots and actually feel as if I regressed as a player.

I came back today for another session and got, to be honest, totally owned.

Here’s a brief run down.

GAME #1196957070: Texas Hold'em NL $0.10/$0.20 2008-10-03 21:20:17
Table Ramasses
Seat 1: 699266777115 ($5.72 in chips)
Seat 3: bluehearts501 ($18.65 in chips)
Seat 5: juancamillo ($5.31 in chips) DEALER
Seat 6: zommsam ($3.75 in chips)
Seat 8: RTRFelix ($21.76 in chips)
Seat 10: demute ($22.06 in chips)
zommsam: Post SB $0.10
RTRFelix: Post BB $0.20
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to RTRFelix [DK HJ]
Dealt to juancamillo [H10 C9]
demute: Fold
699266777115: Fold
bluehearts501: Fold
juancamillo: Call $0.20
zommsam: Fold
RTRFelix: Raise (NF) $0.80
juancamillo: Call $0.60
*** FLOP *** [S8 DJ D8]
RTRFelix: Check
juancamillo: Check
*** TURN *** [S3]
RTRFelix: Bet $1.00
juancamillo: Call $1.00
*** RIVER *** [HQ]
RTRFelix: Bet $1.85
juancamillo: Allin $3.51
RTRFelix: Call $1.66
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $10.19 Rake $0.53
juancamillo: wins $10.19

Everyone seems to be getting there at the moment.

GAME #1196931132: Texas Hold'em NL $0.10/$0.20 2008-10-03 21:07:17
Table Brazil
Seat 1: GulDamar ($4.20 in chips)
Seat 3: sever83 ($32.00 in chips)
Seat 8: RTRFelix ($21.70 in chips)
Seat 10: Edath ($36.61 in chips) DEALER
GulDamar: Post SB $0.10
sever83: Post BB $0.20
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Edath [C6 C7]
Dealt to RTRFelix [HA H2]
RTRFelix: Raise (NF) $0.60
Edath: Call $0.60
GulDamar: Fold
sever83: Fold
*** FLOP *** [S6 C3 S8]
RTRFelix: Check
Edath: Check
*** TURN *** [H3]
RTRFelix: Check
Edath: Bet $0.75
RTRFelix: Call $0.75
*** RIVER *** [SJ]
RTRFelix: Bet $2.60
Edath: Call $2.60
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $7.79 Rake $0.41
Edath: wins $7.79

I don’t know if this is the right spot to bluff and he seemed a pretty good player but this is just systematic of either: me bluffing at the wrong time, bluffing when people will call with any pair, or me trying to implement techniques I’ve seen in videos which simply don’t work at these levels.

GAME #1196914761: Texas Hold'em NL $0.05/$0.10 2008-10-03 20:59:07
Table Ranunculus
Seat 1: BerSerKKK ($3.71 in chips)
Seat 3: RTRFelix ($9.50 in chips)
Seat 5: MrBlue53 ($11.11 in chips)
Seat 8: 7ENO7DU7 ($9.85 in chips) DEALER
Seat 10: JPODK ($2.89 in chips)
JPODK: Post SB $0.05
BerSerKKK: Post BB $0.10
MrBlue53: Post BB $0.15
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to MrBlue53 [HK S9]
Dealt to RTRFelix [SK H10]
RTRFelix: Call $0.10
MrBlue53: Check
7ENO7DU7: Fold
JPODK: Call $0.05
BerSerKKK: Check
*** FLOP *** [HA H7 DK]
JPODK: Check
BerSerKKK: Check
RTRFelix: Bet $0.45
MrBlue53: Call $0.45
JPODK: Fold
BerSerKKK: Fold
*** TURN *** [H2]
RTRFelix: Bet $1.10
MrBlue53: Call $1.10
*** RIVER *** [HJ]
RTRFelix: Check
MrBlue53: Bet $2.10
RTRFelix: Call $2.10
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $7.37 Rake $0.38
MrBlue53: wins $7.37

I miss read the board a little bit here and thought the king on the board was a heart so only the queen of hearts beats me so I put him on a king, just not the king of hearts.

GAME #1192902232: Texas Hold'em NL $0.10/$0.20 2008-10-01 15:55:12
Table Gracemere
Seat 1: d113k ($21.01 in chips)
Seat 3: dtGr ($9.82 in chips)
Seat 5: dfhfdhh ($11.85 in chips)
Seat 8: RTRFelix ($20.28 in chips) DEALER
Seat 10: OGriffin ($24.55 in chips)
OGriffin: Post SB $0.10
d113k: Post BB $0.20
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to RTRFelix [DA CK]
Dealt to dtGr [SQ SK]
dtGr: Raise (NF) $0.60
dfhfdhh: Call $0.60
RTRFelix: Raise (NF) $3.00
OGriffin: Fold
d113k: Fold
dtGr: Call $2.40
dfhfdhh: Call $2.40
*** FLOP *** [HK CQ HQ]
dtGr: Check
dfhfdhh: Check
RTRFelix: Bet $17.28
dtGr: Allin $6.82
dfhfdhh: Fold
*** TURN *** [SA]
*** RIVER *** [H10]
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $32.40 Rake $1.00
dtGr: wins $21.94
RTRFelix: wins $10.46

This is probably why I’m doing scared stuff like checking AJ preflop because when I am aggressive people call and get there anyway.

GAME #1196951921: Texas Hold'em NL $0.10/$0.20 2008-10-03 21:17:39
Table Boswell
Seat 1: pinkvodka ($11.77 in chips)
Seat 3: RTRFelix ($22.11 in chips)
Seat 5: pisiss18 ($5.58 in chips) DEALER
Seat 6: iowrussia ($9.07 in chips)
Seat 8: Shoi ($20.20 in chips)
Seat 10: iREuL ($52.77 in chips)
iowrussia: Post SB $0.10
Shoi: Post BB $0.20
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to pinkvodka [D5 HA]
Dealt to RTRFelix [SQ HQ]
iREuL: Fold
pinkvodka: Call $0.20
RTRFelix: Raise (NF) $1.00
pisiss18: Fold
iowrussia: Fold
Shoi: Fold
pinkvodka: Raise (NF) $11.77
RTRFelix: Call $10.77
*** FLOP *** [D10 C6 D4]
*** TURN *** [C3]
*** RIVER *** [S7]
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $22.84 Rake $1.00
pinkvodka: wins $22.84

Blargh, standard at the moment.

GAME #1196976128: Texas Hold'em NL $0.10/$0.20 2008-10-03 21:30:02
Table Collinsville
Seat 1: 1nStaBluFfShOve ($23.47 in chips)
Seat 3: Prax27 ($24.19 in chips)
Seat 5: RTRFelix ($21.39 in chips)
Seat 6: ImPhil747 ($16.40 in chips) DEALER
Seat 8: Angelw4good ($13.88 in chips)
Seat 10: demute ($21.98 in chips)
Angelw4good: Post SB $0.10
demute: Post BB $0.20
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to RTRFelix [DA SQ]
Dealt to ImPhil747 [CA C6]
1nStaBluFfShOve: Fold
Prax27: Fold
RTRFelix: Raise (NF) $0.80
ImPhil747: Call $0.80
Angelw4good: Fold
demute: Fold
*** FLOP *** [C5 CJ D10]
RTRFelix: Check
ImPhil747: Check
*** TURN *** [CK]
RTRFelix: Bet $1.40
ImPhil747: Call $1.40
*** RIVER *** [H10]
RTRFelix: Check
ImPhil747: Bet $7.20
RTRFelix: Raise (NF) $19.19
ImPhil747: Allin $7.00
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $37.09 Rake $1.00
RTRFelix: wins $4.99
ImPhil747: wins $32.10

Just completely befuddled by the time his river bet came. Again this was the last hand of all the tormenting that happened above so the river shove is unquestionably tilt. It takes a straight to tilt me but tilt is still tilt.

Yadda, yadda, yadda.

With all these hands I’m not trying to say how unlucky I am. I’m far from disowning responsibility for my own actions. Some of these hands I played terribly. If I’m totally honest a growing part of me doesn’t care anymore and just puts money in the pot to see if I got outdrawn again or whatever (although this is still only a very, very small part of me because I do realise I’m still being staked).

What I do think, however, is I believe I’ve forgotten how to play any form of poker consistently. I’m a grotesque mish-mash of styles, none of which are working in any form of harmony. It’s a like a golfer trying to a new swing, a bowler changing his action or a darts player hesitating at the oche; it’s the poker equivalent of the yips.

The options are: I plough loads of time, money and effort into fixing these problems. As the title suggests, however, I just can’t be bothered. I’m mentally spent with poker at the moment. Even the breaks don’t seem to be working. I played 50% less in September and have played less than 1,000 hands this month and I’m still playing and feeling the same way about poker.

Maybe a coach is the way forward. Well, I suppose it’s the way forward for everyone. It’d be great for someone to dissect my game, tell me what I’m doing right (I still know I’ve done something right over the last three years to have 85% profitable months and never go close to going broke etc) and then take me to the next level. At the moment I don’t think I’ll ever get there by myself. Anyone coaching pros out there with an ounce of sympathy. I’ll even put on puppy dog eyes…..

Don’t worry folks. I’m still smiling and I keep on blogging, but something needs to happen soon. I can’t keep writing negative blogs.