Stream of consciousness…

Right at this very moment in time I’m on the verge of quitting poker. I’m furious, mad, enraged, pushed beyond breaking point.

I’ve just come out of another losing day, two buyins down. In the very last hands I got JJ, JJ and AQ. With one of the JJ I took it down pre-flop. With the AQ I bet, got three bet all in by a micro stack. Loose player called behind so I did. Flop was AXX with two diamond. I put out a sizable bet and it gets called. Turn is a blank. He checks, I check. River is a third diamond. He puts most of the rest of his money in and I push. Of course he has AJ of diamond. I played it god awfully. Terrible, shocking, diabolical. With the other jacks I bet, get called in three spots and then get a massive overbet three bet. I fold, it’s the right play. Board comes AXJJX. I’m furious. Terrible, shocking diabolical. It doesn’t matter if I play a hand perfectly, terribly or average the result on the board will completely smash my decision into dust.

And that’s what’s ground me down. I’m on mental fatigue tilt. Fifteen thousand hands and ten weeks of utter frustration like the above hands, occasionally pin pricked by massive scores. This even includes two one-week breaks to try and refocus. Don’t tell me about the fact I’m only $55 down over this period. The actual amount doesn’t matter because (as you will know if you read my blog) I’m staked. It’s just been the most difficult period of poker I’ve played in the three years I’ve been playing it. I just can’t work ANYTHING OUT in my head. Every set I flopped today saw no returns (even from loose cannon maniacs), every three bet I did got called and called again on the flop when I completely missed and c/bet. Every all in against a short stack lost (even when I crushed them on the flop and got the rest of it in). NOTHING, and I really do mean NOTHING worked. Argh!

I’m just typing what’s coming into my head as I go along. I’m poker broken. I feel like the worst player on the earth with the worst luck and the worst victim mentality of all time. Seriously, if you see me at the tables over the next week sit down, I’m dead money.

I don’t want anyone to respond to this. I’m throwing my chips out of the pram. I being a total dickhead because I need to get it out of my system. Poker has burned me out. It’s clear I’m never going to make any money from this game – I’ve even said that before – so why do I continue to invest so much time and effort into it? Why am I watching poker videos on strategies I’m either to scared to employ or seemed convinced won’t work because their concepts nobody at 0.1/0.2? Why, why anything?

I’d wish you good luck at the tables but only idiots and crap players need luck so if you want it you’re in the wrong game, bub. Sod off tables, sod off poker, sod off AQ, sod off JJ. Oiuhvwqeoiv;nekjvnaiuvbqewiuvbwieuvbeiu eioufnpeiubvpieuwbvpiewubvpiuebviqeubviebv iuqb piuebviuqbeijkbrihueuiiuuiruibherubobuievqbui!